Having never made American biscuits before, we initially imagined they’d be a bit like a scone, but they’re not really. Biscuits are loaded with butter, whereas scones contain relatively little. Some biscuit recipes use a percentage of vegetable shortening (Kremelta by any other name), but we prefer the flavour...

American food. Yeah? Nah? Or yeah-nah? Because when it comes to food, Americans do eat a lot of shit. If anecdotal evidence is to be believed, many of them don’t properly cook. (We’re not talking about the Alice Waters, Rick Baylesses, Nancy Silvertons or David Changs of the world…

Cheese or date? It can be a divisive issue. Throw plain with jam and cream, sultana, or the Aussie abomination that is pumpkin into the mix and you’ve got a real mess of opinions on your hands. We’re talking, of course, about scones, up there with shortbread, smoked salmon and a few cheeses as Scotland’s only real contribution to culinaria…

Ah, quinoa. Remember the tiresome mania for quinoa? When the Western world ‘discovered’ it (despite about 7000 years of quinoa domestication) and hipsters practically snorted it for breakfast? Who can forget how the price for the poor bloody Bolivians, who rely on it as a nutrient-rich staple, went utterly bonkers? We hate food trends…

When the weather turns torrid, it’s time to make like the Andalusians and blend up some silky-suave salmorejo. Yep, the southern Spanish know a thing or two about sweltering and chilled, rich, tomato-loaded soup is one of their ways of giving it the big Eff You. It’s SO delicious. If you ask us (and nobody has), salmorejo is the nectar of the bloody gods…