It takes quite the leap of faith to look at fresh milk and think “I could boil the hell out of that with a sh^& ton of sugar until it's thick and bloody bad for you, stick it in a tin, then make a motza from selling it”. And yet, here we are. Insanely sweet, gooey and lusciously drippy, nothing inspires an otherwise civilised person to eat straight from a can like sweetened condensed milk. It’s made by the slow evaporation of water from the whole milk to form the thick, concentrated milky liquid we all know and love so well. As noted, plenty of sugar (in a ratio of nearly half sugar to milk) gets added along the way. And don’t kid yourself. Yes, condensed milk contains all the goodness of actual milk (calcium, vitamin D, vitamin B12, vitamin A, riboflavin, phosphorus, and protein) but the added sugar and calories? Yeah, not very nutrish but what the hey. It’s great for the soul. 

The concept of condensing milk isn’t a new one. According to Marco Polo, 13th-century Tatar soldiers carried around a thick milk paste, just added water and bingo. No dry weetbix on their watch. Although historians think their product was more a ferment than a concentrate per se. Nicolas Appert, the French inventor of airtight food preservation, finessed the condensed milk in 1820. Using glass jars to preserve food, he was answering the call of Napoleon to look for ways to provide food that wouldn’t spoil for the vast, far-flung armies out fighting some Napoleonic War or another. Canned foods, including condensed milk, were also used as field rations during the American Civil War; obviously easy storage and transport were big motivations. Troops returning home sang the praises of the stuff and consumer demand was born.

Today, sweetened condensed milk is consumed around the globe and is especially useful in the tropics thanks to its almost indefinite shelf life. It is used in places like Malaysia and Vietnam in coffee, fruit shakes and to sweeten tea. It’s also used as an ingredient in some desserts across Asia and the subcontinent, and is even slathered on toast for breakfast. In Latin America it shows up in sweets such as brigadeiros (a Brazilian confection not unlike chocolate truffles) and torta de bolacha, a baroque arrangement of biscuits, creamy custard, lemon juice and condensed milk. It’s also the base for dulce de leche, used widely in South America for cake and biscuit fillings. Maybe the most famous condensed milk based desserts though, are the American key lime pie and the Mod Brit creation, banoffee pie. 

So there you have it. Everything you never knew you needed to know about condensed milk, you now know. 

Condensed milk salad dressing: makes about 650ml (2/14 cups)

Take a walk down Granny Lane with this sweet, vinegary retro version of salad dressing; it’s a kiwi classic. Combine 1 x 395g can sweetened condensed milk, 2 teaspoons powdered mustard and 1 cup (250ml) malt vinegar in a bowl, then whisk until smooth. Season with salt and pepper and thin with a little water, if you like. Let it rip over leafy green salads, unsuspecting tomatoes or coleslaw for a genuine taste of the 1950s.

Spiced rice pudding: serves 4-6

Combine 360g (1⅔ cups) arborio rice, 330ml (1⅓ cups) milk, 375ml (1½ cups) water and 2 cinnamon sticks in a medium saucepan. Bring to a simmer, stirring occasionally, then reduce the heat to low, cover, and cook for 20 so so minutes until the liquid is absorbed and the rice is tender. Stir in another 400 ml milk, 1 x 395g can sweetened condensed milk and 110g (½ cup) caster sugar. Stir over low heat for 15 minutes or until creamy. Remove the cinnamon and serve hot or warm.

Cheat’s dulche de leche; makes about 300ml

Pierce the top of a can of sweetened condensed milk three times around the edge. Place in a saucepan of water, pierced side up, and fill the pan with water to come three-quarters up the side of the can. Simmer for 4 hours, topping up the water as necessary. Remove the can carefully from pan, cool can completely, then open and remove your sticky, golden dulce de leche.